CRACK THE WHAT?! AND OTHER CRAZY AUSSIE EXPRESSIONS

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS EXPLICIT LANGUAGE

At some point, you may have heard one of these Aussie expressions and thought to yourself, "What on earth are these Aussies talking about!?" or maybe a lot worse after learning these expressions. 

Just when you thought you’ve learnt enough English, you get struck by what is really the final boss of all English… Aussie English. 

Don’t stress, though. I’m about to explain these not-so-safe-for-work (depending on where you work, really) phrases you’ll hear on the streets.

1. Crack the Shits

This one means to get really angry or upset about something—kind of like having a tantrum, but as an adult. It’s often used when someone gets annoyed over something minor or frustrating.

Example Sentence:

“Don’t push him too hard, mate, he’ll crack the shits and storm off."

2. Shit Me to Tears

When something is so frustrating, ridiculous, or out of the ordinary that it makes you laugh or cry out of disbelief, we say it "shits me to tears." It’s a more dramatic way of saying something’s super annoying. 

Example Sentence:

“That movie was so bad it shit me to tears!”

3. Fuck Me Dead

A phrase used when you’re shocked, amazed, or overwhelmed by something. It’s a bit of an exclamation, and you’ll often hear it when something unexpected happens. It’s like saying "I can't believe it!"

Example Sentence:

“I won the lottery—fuck me dead, I never thought I’d see the day!”

4. We’re Not Here to Fuck Spiders

This is a cheeky Aussie saying used to tell someone that you’re not here to waste time or mess around. You’re being serious and want to get straight to the point. It’s a fun way of saying, “Let’s get down to business.”

Example Sentence:

“Alright, let’s stop chatting and get to work. We’re not here to fuck spiders!”

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